Tools & Thoughts on Wellbeing

Addiction

Addiction: The Coping Strategy That Becomes a Prison

Addiction often begins as a way to cope.

Whether it’s substances, screens, food (restriction or overeating), work, relationships, or any other compulsive behaviour — there’s usually a time when it helped. It soothed the pain, numbed the fear, gave us a sense of control or relief when life felt too overwhelming to bear. It may have even helped us survive.

But over time, what once felt like a lifeline can start to feel like a prison.

Addiction has a way of narrowing our world. It creates shame, secrecy, disconnection. The thing we reach for to feel better eventually begins to hurt us — and the people we love. And yet, it can feel almost impossible to stop, especially when the deeper needs underneath are still unmet.

Because at the root of addiction, there’s usually something profoundly human:
A longing for love.
A need to feel safe.
A desire to be seen, accepted, and connected — just as we are.

In therapy, we create space for that deeper work. Not by judging or shaming the behavior, but by listening closely to what it’s been trying to do for you. We explore the emotional terrain underneath: the old wounds, the unmet needs, the patterns that have kept you stuck. And through consistent emotional attunement — the kind of deep presence and empathy that may have been missing in the past — something begins to shift.

You don’t have to fight your way out of addiction alone.
You don’t have to be “stronger” or “more disciplined.”
You need support. You need kindness. You need someone who can help you meet those buried needs in new, healthier ways.

Healing is possible. And it often begins with a single, courageous step: reaching out and allowing someone to truly see you — not just the coping strategy, but the person underneath who’s been doing their best to survive.

Photo by #kristopherroller.

couples counselling

Connection & Criticism

“You’ve been criticising yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens” Louise Hay.

I love this quote. At first glance, it speaks to the relationship we have with ourselves — a reminder that self-criticism rarely leads to growth, while self-compassion can open up new possibilities. But I also see how beautifully this applies to the relationships we have with our loved ones.

Criticism can easily sneak into our communication, especially with those closest to us. Sometimes it sounds like frustration, sarcasm, or seemingly helpful advice. But over time, repeated criticism — even in small doses — can chip away at trust and connection.

What if, instead of looking for what’s wrong, we developed a habit of staying curious about what is already good? What if each day, we looked for the things we genuinely appreciate about our partner and said them out loud?

When noticing a critical thought, we can learn to pause and ask ourselves: What’s the wish behind this? What is the need I’m not expressing directly?
Most of the time, criticism is a clumsy attempt to get closer, to feel understood, to create change. But if we can identify the underlying longing — maybe for more closeness, reassurance, or shared responsibility — we can express that instead. And that changes everything.

It’s tricky work. It takes practice and patience. But the rewards are real. When you trade criticism for curiosity, and defensiveness for vulnerability, something powerful happens: your connection becomes safer, stronger, and more respectful.

Relationships aren’t about getting it perfect. They’re about learning how to repair, reconnect, and grow together. And that starts with how we speak — to ourselves and each other.

Photo by Teamwoodnote, sculpture by Alexander Milov

Oxidative Stress vs. Healthy Stress: Building Resilience from the Inside Out

We often hear that stress is bad for us — and that’s true, to a point. But not all stress is harmful. In fact, certain kinds of stress are essential for our health and resilience. The key is understanding the difference between oxidative stress and healthy stress, and how we can intentionally work with our bodies to grow stronger, not depleted.

Oxidative stress happens when there’s an imbalance between free radicals (unstable molecules) and antioxidants in our body. This kind of stress can damage our cells and contribute to aging, inflammation, and a wide range of health issues — especially when it’s chronic or overwhelming.

But then there’s something called hormetic stress — short bursts of manageable stress that actually boost our resilience. This includes things like:

  • Vigorous movement

  • Cold showers or cold plunges

  • Exposure to sunlight

  • Short, intense mental challenges

  • Feeling and processing emotions in a safe way

Yes — even emotional processing can be a healthy stressor.

When we allow ourselves to feel difficult emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief — instead of suppressing or numbing them — we’re giving our nervous system the chance to move through the stress response and return to balance. It can feel intense in the moment, but over time, this practice builds emotional resilience and deepens our capacity for presence and connection.

In a therapeutic setting, emotional attunement helps amplify this effect. When someone holds space for us with empathy and steadiness, our body gets the signal: It’s safe to feel this. I’m not alone. And that can be a powerful part of the healing process.

Cold exposure, for example, momentarily stresses the system — heart rate increases, adrenaline spikes — but in a controlled, safe way. As your body learns to regulate and recover, it builds up your tolerance and trains your nervous system to become more adaptive.

The takeaway?
It’s not about avoiding all stress — it’s about choosing the right kind, in the right dose.

In a world that often bombards us with chronic psychological stress (which does contribute to oxidative stress), it’s empowering to know that we can build our resilience through intentional practices. When we give our bodies brief, healthy stressors followed by rest and nourishment, we’re supporting deep, cellular healing.

Your body is incredibly intelligent and capable of adapting. And sometimes, the very things that feel a little uncomfortable in the moment — a cold shower, a sweaty workout, a brisk walk in the wind — are the exact things that help us thrive long-term.

 Photo by @jiggliemon

Anxiety

Breathe Your Way to Calm: The Power of the 4-7-8 Method

In a fast-paced world, it’s easy to forget the simplest thing we can do to support our nervous system: breathe.

Breathwork has been used for centuries across cultures as a powerful tool for calming the mind, settling the body, and creating inner balance. And modern science now backs what many traditions have always known — that the way we breathe has a direct effect on our nervous system.

One simple and incredibly effective technique is the 4-7-8 breath. Developed by Dr. Andrew Weil and inspired by ancient yogic practices, this method is easy to learn, quick to practice, and surprisingly powerful.

How it works:

  • Inhale for 4 seconds

  • Hold your breath for 7 seconds

  • Exhale slowly for 8 seconds
    Repeat this cycle for 4 rounds — and notice what changes.

This breath pattern gently slows the heart rate, downregulates the stress response, and encourages the parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest and digest” state) to take the lead. It’s like a reset button for your body and mind.

Why it helps:

When we’re stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, our breathing becomes shallow and fast — sending signals to the brain that we’re in danger. By intentionally slowing and deepening the breath, we send the opposite signal: I’m safe. It’s okay to relax.

The 4-7-8 breath:

  • Helps reduce anxiety and overwhelm

  • Supports deeper, more restful sleep

  • Calms the body after emotional triggers

  • Can even lower blood pressure and improve digestion over time

  • Creates a sense of grounded presence in just a few minutes

A breath you can take anywhere

One of the most beautiful things about breathwork is that you carry it with you wherever you go. You can use this practice before a therapy session, at bedtime, in traffic, or in moments of emotional intensity.

It doesn’t require equipment, experience, or perfection — just a little willingness to pause and be with yourself.

Sometimes healing starts with something as simple and profound as a single breath.

See a few follow along videos on my Resources Page.